unsuccessfulmetalbenders:

honestly my dad is such a freak he never says goodnight like a normal person he just says “i’ll be back” and he goes upstairs and when you ask where he is or go looking for him hes asleep and the next morning when you see him he just says “good morning im back’ like what is wrong with him

class-snuggle:

My roommate bought a pack of 24 rolls of toilet paper yesterday, in addition to the half dozen we already had, and stored all of them in the bathroom. And just let me tell you, there’s something incredibly calming and reassuring about looking next to you while you’re on the toilet and seeing 30 rolls of toilet paper sitting there. You get a feeling like, no matter how bad shit gets in there, you’re always going to make it out okay in the end.

heyreallygiger:

if i ever met satan the first thing i would say is “did it hurt…when you fell from heaven??” It would be hilarious. The next thing I would do is probably burst into flame and get impaled dozens of times but it would still be hilarious